Gardening

A dainty white butterfly danced in the air, and the world held its breath for a second.

Never would I ever have predicted that I would choose to write about gardening. Ever. Because here's what gardening means to me.

Sweat! Oh, the joys of perspiration. I am one of those relentless sweaters, sopping wet after doing a push-up. Haha, jokes, like I've ever done an actual push-up. Oh, I've done about 15 bad push-ups, but what's with lowering the length of your body in a perfectly straight line, like my shoulder bones sag to the floor when I try and that's just how it is. Add the sun and a lawn mower and you've got yourself a severely cranky roasted Reyna.

Dirt! Ok, I don't mind the dirt in and of itself. In fact I like dirt, as I discovered during a house-building project in Mexico. Whereas I viewed myself as a person who'd be uncomfortable covered in grime from head to toe, I came to love feeling so connected to the earth, experiencing what it was like to physically toil under the sun. But hot red and chalky dirt is different from moist black and mysterious dirt like I have at home. Strange creatures live in this dirt, unspeakable things like worms and snails. GROSS GROSS GROSS! They're slimy and slippery and have no visible eyes so they can just keep living in there and I will just keep on living in the happy four walls of my home, thank you very much. This was the love I had for gardening up until this morning.

See, I was doing the obligatory lawn mowing like a good little person, and the mower kept getting clogged up. I had to take breaks whenever it stopped because it was just too frustrating otherwise. In my breaks I decided to pull small weeds from around our rosebushes, no big deal, takes two seconds. I eventually flipped the mower over, cleared out an accumulation of grass, and finished the lawn. 

By then, I was already sweaty and grassy so I figured I could pull this one long weed from the rock bed. Which led to removing some dead underbrush from the rock wall. Which led to a series of frenzied attacks on the wall, pulling out mostly weeds and a little bit of just-fine vine, and a bubble of elation welling up inside of me. I found an extension cord, pulled out the weed whacker, and trimmed the long grass that had been revealed. I took the whacker to the overgrown flower beds, devoid of flowers but blooming with undesirables. Then I went in with my hands, ripping and hauling and sweating and toiling.

The whole time all I could think about was how alive I felt. Metaphors poured into my brain, out with the old and in with the new, get rid of the weeds or you'll crowd out the good things. Was I doing this to impress the guests coming over this evening? No, we only need to impress ourselves, to be impressive. Was it this easy to feel invigorated? Yes, this is good to know. Why didn't I care that I was breathing in dirt and getting pricked by thorny plants? I couldn't quite say. But to celebrate my newfound pleasure, I did a cartwheel off my deck. I decided it was random and awesome. Then I ran over and pulled some more weeds.

Today I found five snails, stared them in the eyeless face, and did not throw in the gloves. This is serious. Gardening is heaven.

It was just for a second. But it mattered.

Love

I feel love for just about everything in my life right now. A favorite exclamation of mine is, “I love it!” and I mean it every time. But I don’t think I understood the importance of love before this year. Now, obviously, I had been taught that love is the most powerful thing in the world (and true love’s kiss – Maleficent anyone?). I like how I say ‘obviously’, as if I’m so casual about the power of love. Oh gosh, the power of love. I sound so cliché. NEXT PARAGRAPH.

Let me begin again…when I say begin again, it makes me think of Taylor Swift’s song Begin Again, awwwwww, in a little café in Paris, what a dream. So there are lots of songs about love. I don’t really feel like discussing this type of love, not because I haven’t felt it, but because it is so very talked about and what more could I really add to the conversation? Have I been in love? Maybe. No, yes. (Maybe no yes hahahaha this is the classic indecision with which I conduct most of my life. It’s really working out). Yes, I have been in love, because I’ve decided to define love as wanting to make another person feel supported in their world, wanting to be allowed into it to see if you can inspire it. Pretty simple, pretty human. Try to find my definition in the dictionary and you won’t, but each person stumbles upon what certain concepts mean for them. And that’s all she wrote (hey, this phrase will apply whenever I write anything ever, excellent) about romantic love.

 

I see so many people rushing around, or making hasty decisions, or living according to what they think they should be doing and getting frustrated that it’s not working, or finding everything works so well for them that any inconvenience or delay in traffic is unacceptable and maddening. A lot of this wouldn’t happen if people would just slow down. And here’s where I think love is critical in everyday life. The concept of love has that abstract and mysterious nature; it’s a wave you that you can’t pin down, it’s a problem like Maria. Because love makes us do the opposite of what we’re told to do. Life lessons: Go faster, get richer, be better, do more. Opposites: take it slow, indulge yourself, I accept you, just be still. When love is felt, the opposite becomes normal. There is room to breathe, room to think, room to stop racing because you’ve already got what you want.

I specifically pointed out that I have stopped talking about romantic love. That’s because Great Love is so abundant that it can affect everyone’s life, whether they’ve found that elusive other half or not. Feeling like you want to linger in a loving feeling, or stay with someone you love, can be broadly applied to seemingly ordinary encounters. On the beach the other night, a small girl was playing in the sand. As I walked by her she stood up, dropped her sand, and gave me a wave and a smile that filled her entire tiny face. She quickly stopped, then I waved back. We went through this cycle about five times, me craning my head over my shoulder as I passed so I could keep waving at this wonderful little creature. I completely forgot whatever I had been preoccupied with prior to this encounter. My whole body felt like it had been jolted awake, picked up, and stretched out. I loved it.

What I am talking about here is nothing amazing. I think people build up the idea of love so much in their minds that they miss small and very important moments of love like the one I found on the beach. If love is savoring the numerous rich pleasures of life, being a part of this world as much as you’re able to be a part of your significant other’s world, inspiring others when they need it most (and I think we always need it most), then let’s give more of it. If madness is dwelling and groaning about the inevitable hassles of various sizes that we all must slug our way through in order to keep on living, then let’s have less of it.

This year taught me to take in the love, and send out the madness. It’s the only way to get what you want.

Why am I doing this?

Why am I doing this? A question I have often asked myself, and one that I hope is a common question to many a soul and not just me having absolutely no clue what is going on with my life while everyone else is jamming it out on cruise control, worry free (I have also never used cruise control. I don't trust it.).

Maybe I find it utterly fascinating to see my own thoughts written out in front of me instead of getting tangled and forgotten inside my fairly functional brain. No, wait, I have a great brain. I got A's in school. You know what that means...and tell me when you figure it out because as far as I can tell being smart guarantees nothing.
Like really, is there any skill or asset one can acquire that would equip them for what happens when they stub their toe, lose their keys, or break their heart? I feel like that is why I am doing this. To laugh at myself and everyone else who thinks they can predict the world, or even last a day without something going "wrong". Instead of viewing my days as steps toward whatever greater goal I deem will bring me happiness, I've decided to live in vacation mode. Because when people are on vacation, they still get the stuff done that is required for them to live, but on the whole they feel more relaxed and content. Or at least that's the idea.

I have no set agenda for this blog or for my life. I love writing and find humor in most situations. My outlook is exemplified by this quote on friendship that my friend will never let me forget (yes, I self-quote): "I love friends and I love ships so this will be great!" Yes, I think it will.